Help a Survivor

Learning that someone close to you has experienced an incident of sexual misconduct can be difficult to process. As a friend, partner, or parent, there are steps that you can take to support a survivor during the healing process.

Survivors may initially confide details of an incident to someone with which they feel a level of comfort. Keep in mind that it is extremely difficult for survivors to come forward with details of the incident.

Listen

Allow survivors to share as much or as little information as they feel comfortable sharing. Listen without judgment and do not push for details. Allow them to share what they want when they feel comfortable sharing.

Let survivors know that you will support them in any way you can. Individuals who are survivors of sexual misconduct will often feel a range of emotions. Let them know that these feelings are normal.

Inform Survivor of  Options

The first response as a supporter may be to attempt to fix the problem for a survivor. It is important to remember to be patient and allow a survivor to choose how to go forward. Providing information and guidance on available options to a survivor can be helpful. However, do not force the person to go forward. If there is hesitation in receiving outside assistance, offer to accompany the person. Regardless of the choice that a survivor makes, remember to respect the individual's choices.

Consider learning more about resources to find out how you can be a more effective and supportive ally.

Be an ACTive Bystander

What is a Bystander?

A bystander is anyone who is a witness to a potentially harmful situation but may not know what to do to help. In most situations, bystanders believe that someone else will intervene. At some point, all of us have been bystanders. We may have seen or heard something that could escalate into an act of sexual misconduct (sexual assault, dating violence, domestic violence, stalking, sexual harassment, and sexual exploitation) but may not have acted.

Scenario 1: You are at an off-campus party, and you see someone that seems to be pressuring your friend, who is already drunk, to keep drinking. You are worried that if you confront the person, it may start a physical fight.

Scenario 2: You are at the campus dining hall and notice a couple arguing loudly. You are concerned that someone will get hurt, but you don’t want to make a scene.

In both instances, a bystander would notice the situation but do nothing to intervene.

 

What is an ACTive Bystander?

An ACTive bystander is a witness to a potentially harmful situation who steps in, speaks up and/or seeks help. The ACTive bystander has the power to change the outcome of a negative situation by intervening.

ACTive bystanders intervene by:

  • A-Assessing the situation
  • C-Choosing the best action
  • T-Taking action

Scenario #1: You are at an off-campus party, and you see someone that seems to be pressuring your friend, who is already drunk, to keep drinking. You know that this could lead to a potentially harmful situation. You intercede by pulling your friend aside and letting her know that you are concerned for her safety. You offer to leave the party early and drive her to her dorm room.

Scenario #2: You are at the campus dining hall and notice a couple arguing loudly. You are concerned that someone will get hurt, so you alert a campus safety officer that a disturbance is taking place.